It’s taken me several years to fully understand the meaning of the title. Really what it means is no matter how you look at it you’re squished or splatted. Recently, this is what I have felt like at home.
I have no job to speak of, unless you include being Suzy Homemaker/wrecker, and a full time mom. Some days are worse than others but for the most part, I am looking forward to getting a paying job. Don’t get me wrong, my jobs do pay off in the end. Raising my son and watching him grow over the years is wonderful, but I want payment in the monetary form.
I’m so sick of being so poor that dirt looks richer than me. I’m perfectly able to to work, it’s just a matter of finding a place to hire me.
Today I blew up big time at everyone in my house. I was yelling at my son because he wouldn’t stop his incessant crying and whining over not being allowed to have cake, I yelled at my brother who has spent the last few weeks either in the shower or on my couch sleeping because of his ears bothering him, and I yelled at boyfriend because all he does is sit around and watch me clean. He doesn’t offer help.
I understand he’s working 99.9% of the time, but would it kill him to empty the dishwasher on his day off? Or even vacuum the living room. I’m not asking a lot from the household, just enough to make it not so overwhelming for me. I have a hell of a task of getting my brother to pick up his underwear off of the bathroom floor. Which three days later I ended up doing because I was sick of stepping on them.
Then there is the fact my brother isn’t a little boy. So when he uses the toilet he’s literally makes my toilet cry and instead of getting some pine-sol and tossing it on the floor, he tosses down a towel and walks out. Meanwhile he knows full well that I’m the one washing clothes by hand because I can’t afford to do laundry.
I’ve lived in my apartment for two months now and I have done laundry once. You would really know that since most of it is bagged up and I keep it well out of sight, but really if you look close enough you’ll see where a weeks worth of clothing is waiting to be washed. What would normally cost me fifteen dollars to do will now end up costing me thirty, and that’s just to wash.
I’m not blogging because I want pity, I’m not even blogging because I want help. I’m doing it so that maybe someone will be able to relate to me and offer me ideas on what I can do, short of leaving. I’m overworked for someone with no job and unpaid entirely for the crap I have to put up with.
I will admit that I did slack off a few days, excitement with the computer coming in and being able to catch up on things I missed over the past month. Who wouldn’t take some techie time to just chillax? However, I need to start cracking down on myself and limit how much I’m doing during the day so I can keep up after the boys in my house.
The only joy I’ve gotten in the past few days is a new kitten that boyfriend managed to catch from a litter of farm cats that live on his grandmother farm. She’s a precious little thing with white body and calico patchwork all over. I’ve named her Koko. Eventually I will have pictures but I have to go finish cleaning the kitchen.
I can only hope that I will have my apartment in order for when Tim comes to visit else I’m going to end up extremely embarrassed or canceling him come to visit.
*sigh* What’s a girl to do?
Keep it real and rockin’
❤
Tim hijack
Well, for starters, there’s no cancelling (short of my car blowing up). Seriously, though, I know how that dirt poor aspect feels. I was that way for a long, long time. I honestly can’t relate with having three other males in the house that aren’t roommates (although, there was this one time I had a roommate on a “temporary situation”… but that’s a story for another time). However, I can offer some encouraging words.
Time will always have something better. I know, it sucks hearing that, because honestly, a person wants it (needs it) right now. The “it” I speak of is a better situation where you can live day to day without worrying about food bills, electric, phone and so on. These are basic needs a person has to have, and we need them right now.
But each and every one of us wants the luxuries. Why? Because for a lot of us, we need them to stay sane. To have a little bit of heaven, so to speak. All I can say is, it will come eventually. You just have to keep plugging away. Sometimes, it feels like a sacrifice, and you just want to curl up into a ball and wait until it’s all over. But the pay off is what makes everything worthwhile.
This is partially for Zodi, mostly for a lot of other people. If you feel like you’re down, and there’s nothing that is coming your way, keep faith, keep working, keep believing. You can do it. I was there at one point. I am also mindful of the fact that as easily as I have found the place I’m in right now, it can all just as easily go away tomorrow, so you have to keep working hard. That becomes easier when you realize that you have made it to a better place in life.
Two things I always tell myself; Never give up.
The second; I win, I always win.
If you keep those in mind, and keep positive, then good things will come around. At some point, even for me, it feels like it’s all going to come unraveled, and everything I’ve worked for is going to go away. When times like that happen, I try to pick myself up and keep going.
I can’t say anything more than what has already been said in other places and by other people. All I can say is there are people out there that have similar fears, similar needs, and just finding someone to lean on often times helps.
For now, I’m gonna bring things full circle. Zodi mentioned the Windshield and the Bug. And it made me think of this.
Until next time…
…keep ’em flyin’.
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