A Comment Worth Posting

Last night, my mom responded to my other blog post. After sleeping on it, I decided that yes I am going to post, because if I can’t allow the readers to see the full side of the story and allow my mother to get her say then I’m not much of a blogger. Even though yes, it paints us, both she and I in a pretty shitty color of WTF is going on.

There is a reason I blog the way I do. I blog as my mind thinks, it just so happens that I blog in paragraphs. I also blog the way I do to flesh out without giving a complete insight to my entire life. This is the internet, there’s enough dirty laundry on here and I don’t need to add to it.

I read you blog…I’m sorry that you are going through this and you feel alone. However, I will not be portrayed as the “mother who deserted you” like you put. Although not entirely accurate, some points are. You, however, neglected to state the whole issue between you and I. Let’s start with the text you sent me which initiated the entire conversation…”Momma, I don’t feel like calling, but Happy New Year, Zach and I broke up.” The very first part, set the standard for the conversation…starts as a negative and does not, in any way establish, you wanting/needing your mother’s shoulder to cry on.

Firstly I would like to point at at the time I sent this text message I was already on the verge of tears and was trying to be brave and strong. I failed here. I sent a text message because of the fact I felt the need to let my mom know. Okay so I failed at conversational skills as well. I should have called and told her. I’ve never been great at talking on the phone especially when my emotions are sky high. It was the latter part that should have told you I needed my mom.

Secondly, when I was bringing your attention to the correct matter of your lifes events and matters with Christopher…you then said “I called you because I needed my mom”; I corrected you again and said that I called you, you didn’t call me….see text message above. Then proceeded to tell me that if I was going to throw up in your face everything you did, then you didn’t want to talk to me (your exact words).

Yep, you did correct me. So what if my wording was off, my mistake, again emotions were high, by this point I was crying and things were coherent in my head. As for everything being thrown in my face, that’s exactly what you did. You asked me why I broke up with Zach, then when I told you, you threw in my face that it was me who walked out my marriage. I admitted that. I have my reasons and I don’t need to explain them to anyone. After that you proceeded to tell ask me about my sleeping arrangements. Then when you found out Zach wasn’t moving out, and TJ was living over at his friends, you then asked me what TJ was doing for a job and what my father thought about all of this. It was at this point, I told you I didn’t want to speak to you if you were going to throw things in my face.

I didn’t want you to sit there tell me what was wrong with my life, I want you tell me that I would be okay, that I’m strong, that I’ve got Mitchell blood and I would survive. YOU DIDN’T DO THIS.

I’ve always been fair with you and you’re brother…when you misquote something that I directly know about, I’ve always called you both on it…neither of you like it and thus we have the current situation between you and I. I called a spade a spade and you didn’t like what you heard. You even went as far as showing the nasty text that I sent to you, to your father, but neglected to tell him exactly what prompted my text to you. Which prompted him to call me, essentially you tried to “get me in trouble with dad”. I spoke to him and as a result, I understand he spoke to you about it too.

Yep, fair you have been, always. It had nothing to do with misquoting . In fact that didn’t even bother me. And yeah I did show my father the nasty text you sent me. Also notice I didn’t show the world. Dad did speak to me about it, however, I was still very angry so I wasn’t hearing any of it.

You can be hurt, you can be angry with me, with life, with whatever, I’m not going to take that away from you and have never tried…but before you can heal the right and proper way, you have to reflect on the situation and be completely honest with yourself and others. You dealt the first blow, which stemmed a lot of emotion coming from hurt from me. You cannot take that away from me. I didn’t prompt it nor did I want this to happen between us.

Like you, I have to defend my hurt as well. Nothing in my text was untrue…..it could have been said many different ways, but none of it is untrue….think about ALL the promises of phone calls and drawings….speaking of why you don’t call me “because you get voice mail because I was dating a less than desireable man….here I go again….poor excuse, I haven’t been with him in over a year now…and you promised me a phone call every tuesday at 6 (for which I’m home most of the time) and to call grams every wednesday. Tuesday 6 p.m. call happend once or twice…then there were a few calls at 10 or 10:30, in which I told you I’m in bed at that time because I have to get up at 5 a.m….then we got the phone call at 8 or 9 on a night I happened to be sick and sleeping and you told me “sorry but I had to work so I’m calling now”. Told you I was in bed and sleeping, and have not gotten a phone call on a tuesday since.

I believe I said in the previous blog that I should call more. But there have been times, even after you weren’t with Mr. Undesirable, that I was push on the back burner. However I wasn’t talking about these times, I was talking about the almost two years that I nearly forgot I had a mother because when I called at whatever time I would, I got voicemail. I used to call your phone sometimes knowing I was going to get voicemail just to hear your voice. You can’t even tell me that while you were Mr. Undesirable, that you were in anyway shape or form allowed to have any contact with your child in Indiana, your mother, and half the time your son, who lived with you. That is why I stopped calling in general.

I’m also sorry but I don’t feel a daughter should ever have to pick a time to have a conversation with her mother. I get “penciled” in for a 6 pm phone call once a week. How often do you speak to Grams? Last I heard, every day at lunch time. You call her every single day at least to my knowledge. So why can’t I call my mom every single day?

I predominantly call you when I want to talk to you or the baby, mostly on my drive home from work…if I get you, I get to talk to you. If I get voicemail, I leave a message, in which it could be 2 or 3 days before I get a call back. Not to mention you cell voicemail message is insulting and the home voicemail “cancelled my recording”….go figure. Bottom line, if you’re gonna tell the story….be completely honest and tell the whole story.

You call me once in a while.  If you want to call to talk to me and get a hold of me call the cell phone. Recently acquired, but still I answer that more than I will ever answer my house phone. As for my voicemail, which I’d like to add, you only got once; it was a joke between a friend and me. Someone who used to send me to voicemail just to get rise out of me. You are the only person who got bent out of shape over my voicemail. Dad thought it was funny because he’ll call me at 6:45 and know full well I’m sleeping, but knows I have to get up. Doesn’t mean I’m going to be willing. Doesn’t mean I’m going to answer. Get over it. It’s a voicemail not a personal insult to you. Just leave a message and I will eventually call you back. Sheesh.

You can delete this if you want….but those that know you and me and the history between us, know the real truth….I can also blog this myself, but either way, you brought it out and in an unfair manner to me. If I’m going to wear the black hat of the “bad guy”, at least make it justifiable.

As I stated previously, it would be unfair not to let you have your say in matters between us. I didn’t go into extreme details of what happened with our phone conversation. But I think between the two of us, we covered everything there for the fifteen minute conversation that ended hatefully.

We’ll get past this, we always do. We’ve had worse than this. My mom is honestly my best friend ever. But like all friends, we fight, ours just go to a more personal level. It what happens when the daughter is too much like the mother.

Keep it real and rockin’