What 50 Shades of Grey Has Taught Me

16 Jul

From What 50 Shades of Grey Has Taught Me

(Or, Domming 101 as Guided by D/s Wonder Woman, E.L. James)

  1. Your slave is stupid and cannot think for themselves. Be sure to control every menial aspect of their lives from what they eat for a snack to what kind of socks they wear. Doing this will really show your slave who’s boss!
  2. Slaves really get randy when you bite their toes— it’s their best kept secret. Exploit this fact. Really, just go to town. Bite those fuckers clean off if you want.
  3. Don’t be afraid to break your own rules. Remember, your slave is stupid and won’t know the difference! It’s also a good way to keep them on their toes. If they can’t trust your word, they’ll never know what’s coming next.
  4. On that same line of thought, make sure your words and your actions always contradict one another. Then, you’ve got an excuse to punish your slave when they don’t utilize their psychic powers to guess what you really meant.
  5. Don’t be afraid to touch them down there.
  6. It’s important when outlining your asinine and overly involved contract that you’re sure to include a no-no list instead of discussing your limits like adults. Include fisting on your no-no list. Also recognize that anybody who is partial to any of he actions you listed is an insane and disgusting degenerate.
  7. If your slave is a virgin, chastise them at length. How dare they!
  8. Dominant feelings are monstrous things, best shoved down until you can allow them to flourish in an unhealthy sham of a relationship.
  9. If your slave is emotionally damaged or opposed to something you wish to do, either ignore them completely or coerce them into compliance. I can’t stress enough that your slave is stupid. They don’t know what they want.
  10. Pat yourself on the back if you’ve managed to follow the above guidelines. You’re a real Master now, Mr. Grey!

This is obviously a riff on the (terrible) book, 50 Shades of Grey.  I had to comment on it.

Books, in this case fiction, are still something that can be used not only as a way to entertain, but to educate.  When the author puts forth his own fantasy of what a BDSM – D/s relationship is, then he’s just playing out his own fantasy, not what the actual culture is about.  In some case, D/s relationships don’t even involve sex, and that’s a glaring misconception regarding the entire culture to think that it is 100% about sex.

50 Shades of Grey got the BDSM – D/s aspects wrong on so many levels.  Where was the adult discussion of limits that the woman wanted?  Where was the determined safe words?  BDSM – D/s isn’t about control and dominating another person, because that’s just rape.  BDSM – D/s is more than control.  It’s actions within the comforts of both participants.  The Dom has to make sure that the sub is completely comfortable with what is happening.  Over time, each person will understand what the other likes and does not like, and if the Dom does something that the sub does not like, the sub gives the safe word and the Dom stops.  That is what a good D/s relationship is about.

As for the book itself (which is a festering pile of shit), this doesn’t help how D/s are viewed in mainstream society.  Instead, it continues to reflect a misconception, and a very dangerous one at that.  That submissive individuals can be treated like dirt without care or concern.  It’s another case of a work of fiction being incredibly dangerous in continuing to spread stereotypes and misconceptions about another culture.


Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Life, randomness


Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “What 50 Shades of Grey Has Taught Me

  1. karmicangel

    July 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I haven’t read it, on the advice of friends and bloggers like you, but I had to comment; my fav line above: “Bite those fuckers clean off if you want.” Frickin’ HIlarious. Thank you for my Monday evening guffaw.

  2. Tim

    July 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    I haven’t read the book either, but I’ve heard enough major complaints about it. That, and it basically being Twilight fan fiction (which I’m still trying to wrap my head around).

  3. Panama

    July 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    First, let’s look at the plot of 50 Shades of Grey. Anastasia Steele, a college-age virgin who has never been kissed, meets Christian Grey, the 27-year-old billionaire CEO of Grey’s Enterprises Holdings. Christian is unbelievably handsome with his “tousled hair” and “expensive body wash.” He is also unbelievably kinky. He lost his virginity to a dominatrix when he was fifteen, and, after five years as her submissive, became a dom himself. He used his vast wealth to turn a room in his penthouse apartment into a virtual dungeon, nicknamed the “Red Room of Pain.” And he wants to share his love of BDSM (and fine wine, classical music, and Bruce Springsteen) with Anastasia.

  4. Tim

    July 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    That’s just the basic summary of plot. The main crux of 50 Shades is pretty damaging and awful to the entire BDSM community. If this guy, this Christian Grey, actually was a submissive for several years, then he would have known better that treatment of a sub is not forced upon them. There is aspects of submission, but a sub always has the ability to say no when he or she does not wish something to continue. This book completely erased that, making it seem as though the BDSM community is a bunch of Doms who make their subs do anything sexually that the Doms want of them. In the end, this book is still pure shite, nothing more than Twilight fanfiction at it’s worst.


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