It’s been several days since I posted anything here. I haven’t really taken a break, I just haven’t felt I’ve had anything meaningful to talk about.
It’s November 19th, and I can say that with 11 days remaining in November, this NaNoWriMo has been terrible. Even the other years when I didn’t make the 50K mark, I had at least hit well over half. But this year, I wrote my first two thousand words and then nothing. There was no motivation to write, no ideas that made sense, and even when I had ideas I couldn’t be bothered to put them down on paper or into a word processor. This year, I felt nothing regarding my writing.
Usually, this can be attributed to a few things. The simplest is that I was just lazy and couldn’t be bothered. Partially true, but even with that there have been other times when I’d at least write something. Maybe I was just burned out after a near 31 days straight of writing for October. I do know that the winter season, even though it hasn’t officially arrived, has had a greater affect on my this year than past years.
Normally, I’d be able to combat my seasonal affective disorder without much trouble. But this year has been hard. It was often a struggle to just sit under a light at times. I hit one of my lowest points this year. And there was a huge amount of anxiety that still hung on from the move I made in August. I’m still trying to figure out if this was a wise move or not. There comes a point when you have to decide if the move you made is less important than your mental and physical well being.
I also don’t like that there’s this all consuming darkness around me. Not some metaphorical thing, I mean actual darkness. I get up in the morning, go to work, it’s dark. I get off work at 5, it’s dark again. This is the problem with winter, it gets dark too early and it stays dark too late.
The days, at least, keep me busy, so I’m thankful for that. This week has actually found myself a little more up than usual this past season. That comes from the most unusual of places; football. This past weekend the Saskatchewan Roughriders won the western final to advance to the Grey Cup. I’m focusing a little bit of attention there. Still, I’m going one day at a time, and hopefully I’ll get better.