The past few days have been sort of a blur. Not because it’s been busy, but because there is the slight euphoria that comes with spring. Things are melting, the air is warmer, the days begin to get longer.
But there’s also this numbing feeling brought on by the environment I am in. Things are very automatic. That’s the best way I can describe them. I long for the evenings, which go by too fast. I go to bed around 9:30, I wake at 4:30.
I feel as though there’s no joy, that it’s all been sucked out some how. I have very little creativity left in me. What little there is, I use up at work. Even things that brought me a spark of joy seem faded now.
But it’s Thursday, which means only two more days and the weekend arrives. Those two days when I actually do feel alive. When Friday night arrives, it will feel like a great weight has been lifted from me.
I steadily scan the different employment websites, looking for something that might take me away from this place. The hunt is limited, because I don’t really wish to move while the weather is as it is.
One thing keeps me going; reading people’s experiences, and dreaming of my own.
Maybe I’ll find that spark soon, but right now it’s very faded and dim.